Fill my h3art with s0ng, and l3t m3 sinG Forev3r m0r3 . . . [BLOGGER PREVIEW]

Sunday, November 27, 2005 Wednesday, November 30, 2005

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

sudden realization.i have been so naive.hais,nv felt like this before,but today when i went back,i was hugging my laptop,wonderg where can i go.everyone's busy with their work,wth am i doing...extra.it was uncomfortable.even where i stand,i feel i'm in the way,somehow.more of hindrance than help.to help,seriously,i dun mind doing it for free.but,it seems...i'm not even an employee,what can i do.i'm not even "teacher rhoda" anymore.kids are just used to calling me that thats all.
accompany geraldine...ya ok la,today had much fun,chatting,and all.but...hmmz...think her mum prefers that she help out seriously instead of interacting.what shld i do...take for instance what happened in the pa level in the hall today.either they dun understand there can be fun and serious work at the same time,or they juz prefer serious work done and nothing else.
tmr...rehearsal.just go with angela i guess.they need help i offer what i can...if not...hais,dun be extra.
sick...am i pms-sing...=(...

inspiration cut my wings at 11:01 PM

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

its 340am in the morning,can't believe i not in bed.well...if i'm at home,there wun be a chance to be here.i'm in hall now.somehow,feel that i wanna type an entry.
i have to wake up at 730am tmr,and set off for gp at 8am with dark eye rings,dreamy looks(they say i always have that look anyway).i had a headache juz now most probably due to the lack of sleep,my eyelids are heavy,feels groggy.but still wanna finish this entry before i go to bed.
so many things has happened since the hols,yea it has only been the 4th day of holidays.things always happen during holidays doesn't it...well at least,to me,holidays are the most happening.incidents/surprises which will cause a significant change to my veh routine life.this is the first holiday of my university life...must say it didn't disappoint me:).
at the rate things are going,i cannot deny that i do have flashbacks and worries about history repeating itself.however,up till now,i have to admit that i feel differently.happy,yes.today,things have gone up to a higher level.no,i did not feel the urge to retreat.but i still have my reservations,i have my own mind and emotions to overcome.the most important thing is...subconciously,self delusioned or not,i have set my own boundaries...as long as therez still an element of uncertainty,this barrier will always be there.
many times...i have to keep things to myself...i can't say anything,much as i want to.sighz...what's in store...i really wanna know...i'm tired.

inspiration cut my wings at 3:38 AM

Sunday, November 27, 2005

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

i'm in a dilemma...n theres only this few ppl i can talk to about the situation...feel theres something big going to happen soon...hais...positive or negative...clueless...uncertain.y nebula haven finished her dinner...y i can only meet kaimazai for few days.yup there are things to be...really happy for.but...it didn't come easy.and...it will come with a price...sighz.what should i do...shld i follow my heart...?i know where my heart heads...but i know the consequences too...
rhoda arh rhoda...after exams le...got another big problem to test u...and u dun have much time...
flying soon...this whole week is packed,weekends big nono...and iceskating session not packed in yet!movie too!and what about dinner...catching up,sleepovers...a week left to arrange everything...or else things will have to be postponed to after i come back...which will b about one week before school reopens...
speaking of sch reopening...seems i lookg forward to it coz i will see the results of my newly adopted studying method...not looking forward to it...coz...oh well,who will look forward to SCHOOL...blazt.
i seem to have much affinity with ppl whose names start with J...hMmMz...strange...

inspiration cut my wings at 7:07 PM

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

feels great to be happy!to wake up early in the morning...in such a good mood...hope everyday would be the same!2nd day of the hols and feels great...more to anticipate...rIgHt?:).

...can't help but experience that special feeing...i sure hope it isn't wrong...whateva...

so nice to be happy!~!~!~!

inspiration cut my wings at 1:22 PM

Thursday, November 24, 2005

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~
dOeS iT?

inspiration cut my wings at 6:41 PM

Monday, November 14, 2005

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

...absence DOES make the heart grow fonder...

inspiration cut my wings at 9:32 PM

Friday, November 04, 2005

tO bElIeVe tO hOPe*~

so dead tired.for the past week break,have been cooped up at home the whole time except for the trip with mum back to bb to meet up with the housing agent regarding the sale of the house.every night,mum will ask "min ni yao du dao ji dian..."...i really do not know how to answer her.don't wanna worry her.
what kind of life is this.can't wait for this sem to be over.somehow feel that the next sem will be better,well its always the case isn't it...and when next sem comes i can't wait for it to be over.sucky.at least i know i will whine about this for about another 7 times or so...how many sems can there be in my uni life...
hall.the exam venues are all opposite my hall...4 out of 6 are morning papers.feel the great resistance of going back to stay.can't sleep well,and don't want to risk the good rest which would affect my concentration the next day for convenience.would rather wake up early,travel.feel more at ease at home.yah,spoilt princess ppl say,i feel so myself even.but at least i know where i feel will bring out the best in me.
evaluation of myself so far.being the only child,parents have been protective of me.everything's well taken care of so that i can concentrate on what i'm supposed to do.studies,come thus far,gained entry into university.academic wise ok,when it comes to being independent,making my own decisions...i still have such a long way to go.19 and a half years old...so what.can't even slice an apple properly.ok,i'm scared of the blade.can prepare a simple meal for myself yes.what else.countable.sighz.
i do have a temper.but i can say its nothing like those real "princesses".what i feel comfy with...lets see...i need SPACE.SpAcE that i can fiddle around with,do whatever i want,without any external disturbances.more often than not,situations will not allow much flexibility in this "space" i want.people will think how come i will be missing-in-action for sometime,and come back again sometimes.hmm...mia=in a world of my own.i want to keep to myself sometimes,is this the effect of being an only child?not growing up with any of my peers,not needing to fight for what i want,not needing to quarrel,not needing to accomodate much,stubborn,reluctant to change.or is it a sign of slight autism.guess not...autistic kids have a special talent...i have none.ohyah,to digress abit...have seen a kid diagnosed with autism and gotten along quite well with him for quite sometime,shall not mention who.but i have seen (to my amazement),how excellent he is with numbers,and how he has handled numbers the way no one of his age can.
back to my topic.hmm...but still,during the times i prefer to be mia,people i love and care are still in my mind.just hope they will understand.
hais...i'm a hard nut to crack.this space of mine...takes time for me to open up.

enough of these thoughts.will go crazy soon if i have to handle all these together with laplace transforms and mitosis blah blah.stuff all these into my head,make sure they stay in there till i call them out during the paper.after the papers i shall dump them and fill my head with the list of activities i shall engage in...to list a few,yEsH,iceskating,movies,driving with the windows down and music blasting,nice splashing time at the pool,nice whacking moments at ball games,simple happy moments when i go back to see my baobei litta "shumbirdy"!,kaimazai and the many ppl who made a difference to the first six months of 2005,long hours spent in front of the BOX (namely the tv),and wonder if i will get a temp job-call at gp...haha dreaming,but no harm *hints to glze.;).what else what else...shall keep these at the back of my head for the moment.

breaktime over...so long...back to the notes.*25th nov seems so far away...

inspiration cut my wings at 12:06 PM

M e m o r i e s

Wednesday, November 30, 2005